It's OK to get things wrong: Building resilience through mistakes.

No body likes getting things wrong.

Whether it's making mistakes at school, losing a game, getting something wrong in front of friends or trying something new and not being very good at it, failure can feel uncomfortable.

For young people, those feelings can sometimes be bigger.

A mistake can feel like more than just a mistake. It can feel like embarrassment, disappointment, frustration or even proof that they are 'not good enough'. As adults, our instinct is often to protect young people from these feelings. We want to make things easier for them, help them succeed and prevent them from experiencing disappointment.

But what if making mistakes is actually an important part of building resilience?

We learn though getting things wrong. Imagine a young person learning to ride a bike. They wobble. They lose their balance. They fall. They get frustrated. If we immediately take the bike away because we don't want them to feel disappointment, they don't get the opportunity to discover that they can learn.

Instead we might encourage them to try again. We might steady the bike. We might help them work out what went wrong.

Some young people become so worried about making mistakes that they stop trying trying altogether. Sometimes what looks like laziness, refusal or a lack of motivation can actually be fear of failure. If a young person believes that getting something wrong means they are stupid, unsuccessful or going to be judged, avoiding the challenge can feel safer than attempting it. And if they avoid challenging situations, they don't get the opportunity to experience the feeling of overcoming them.

This can create a difficult cycle:

Fear of failure -Avoidance - Fewer opportunities to practice - Less confidence - Greater fear of failure.

Helping young people break this cycle doesn't mean forcing them into situations they aren't ready for. It means gradually helping them understand that making mistakes is safe, normal and part of learning.

The language we use around mistakes can make a real difference. When a young person says 'I can't do it.' We could respond with ' You can't do it yet.' That tiny word yet can change the whole message. 'I can't do it' sounds final. 'I can't do it yet' leaves the door open. It communicates that ability can develop though practice, support and persistence.

We can also praise the process rather than simply the result.

Instead of 'You're so clever!' we might say 'You kept going even when that was difficult'. Instead of 'You got it right!' we might say 'You worked really hard to figure that out.'

This helps young people understand that success isn't simply about being naturally good at something. It can come from effort, practice, patience and perseverance.

Of course we should protect young people from unnecessary harm. There are situations where adults need to step in, particularly when there is a genuine risk to a young person's safety or wellbeing. But there is a difference between protecting a young person from harm and protecting them from every uncomfortable feeling.

Disappointment isn't harmful. Frustration isn't harmful. Getting something wrong isn't harmful. Feeling nervous before trying something new isn't harmful.

These feelings can actually provide opportunities to learn how to cope. If we constantly remove every obstacle, solve every problem and prevent every disappointment, young people may begin to believe they can't cope unless someone fixes it for them. Instead, we want to gradually help them discover that things can be difficult but they can cope.

Small failures help to build bigger resilience. Resilience doesn't usually develop during one huge lift event. It develops through hundreds of small experiences.

A young person loses a game and learns to handle disappointment. A teenager gets a piece of work wrong and learns they can ask for help. A young person tries something new and discovers they aren't immediately good at it. A young person has an argument with a friend and learns how to repair the relationship.

These experiences teach young people things don't always go the way they want, but they also teach that they can deal with these situations.

It is important to let young people see adults making mistakes. Adults can sometimes feel pressure to have all the answers. But young people don't need perfect adults. They need real adults to model how to respond to situations. Letting them see us make making mistakes, apologise, learn and try again can be incredibly valuable.

These everyday moments show young people that mistakes aren't something we hide. They are something we can acknowledge and learn from.

As adults, we can't prevent young people from experiencing disappointment, frustration or failure, and nor should we try to.

Life will inevitably bring moments that don't go according to plan. There will be mistakes. There will be setbacks. There will be times when things don't work.

Our role isn't to make sure young people never fall. It is to help them learn that they can get back up.

When we give young people safe opportunities to try, make mistakes, learn and try again, we are helping them develop something much bigger than the ability to complete a particular task. And perhaps this is one of the most important messages we can give a young person.

It's OK to get things wrong.

It's OK to try again.

It's OK to ask for help.

One mistake doesn't define you.

Because resilience isn't about getting everything right. It's about knowing that when things go wrong, you have the ability, and the support, to find a way forward.